GAY? My 21 Minutes in 15 years at BJCC

Dear friends and family,

My son Chrisopher Lee Nutter is gay. He has been away over 15 years and I have not heard or talked to him in that time. He has said specificately that he does not want me in his life in anyway, but that was years ago when he was a child. He is nearly 40 and apparently has only 'aged in years' but maturing, you make your own decision. He came from NYC to speak at the BJCC civic center in B'ham supporting Equality Alabama and being a guest speaker who had written a book on growing up in Birmingham as a gay man in the closet before moving to NYC and living the gay life in the fast lane. Read his book "My way out!" by Christopher Lee Nutter, and make your own unbias conclusions. Unfortunately when he reports about his life in Birmingham as a young man and a teenager, you are only hearing one side. Remember that as you read my commentary as Karen and I arrive at the BJCC today to hear and support my 'gay' son'.

It was exactly 12:42pm, and we had made to to one of the dining rooms upstairs at the BJCC and find which room Chris is speak in. Karen and I and other had talked and mine was to be as passive, sit in the back, do not upset Chris's day of the stage speaking her in Birmingham.Karen and I remarked on the way in, that there was very little signage, nothing to indicate where this was happening until you got to the base of the escalator telling you it was on the 3rd floor?

I am telling you what I was thinking as we went in and Karen's and my observations and we really hoped to see a lot of people coming back from lunch for the speakers to begin at 1:00pm. But there were three or four sitting outside, and we followed 3 walking ahead of us, a very disappointing indication of what kind of attentance they might have had last night and this morning. But we continued.

We got to the top of the stairs and finally there was a sign on a table where I signed in for us and Karen for Chris was in Room J. We looked at our watch and it was two minutes to 1:00 and we bearly made it. There was Chris standing alone in front of the speakers stand talking to someone, just one a few people there to hear him. When we walked in the back of the small dining room, Chris recogized me as I smiled and walked toward the son I have not seen or heard from in 15 years.

Chris' expression changed and I an not really sure what I saw. He looked thin, in an ill fitting tan suit, and as Karen said, in bad need of a neat hair cut. Chris, I don't think looked at me in the eye, but I stuck my hand out to shake his hand and he did, but with a limp grip, said 'Hello", not hello DAD" but walk briskly by me focused on someone or something in the back of the room. Karen was right behind me and he just told her he was glad to have you here, giving all indications he did not know who Karen was or did not recognize her.

Chris turned walked away from us, and I walked back expecting Chris to return or do something to acknowledge his dad and his wife taking the time to come and support him. I felt a tug on my arm and it was Mary Margret, one of high school friends and at one time, I thought would be Chris's girl friend. But she gently escourted us back outside into the hallway and I introduced her to Karen and she said she had driving down from Charlotte to hear and see Chris.But right away, I sensed she was there for one big primary reason. She began telling us about her finding out when Chris was gay, and long before Karen and I ever imaged this. She then said Chris is still not ready for "ME" to be here or even be in the room as all felt I would upset him so that he could not speak.

Can you guess what I wanted to say? Over the next few minutes I did say to Mary Margret that it has been 15 years and he is not ready. I then said "Mary he is nearly 40!"Karen and said I courteous and obligated goodbye to her and told her to drive home safely. MM did not tell me what her married name was but she had two children 8 and 2 but nothing else about them. She said her hubby worked for Hershe Candied and then a kitchen appliance company making stickless spatulas and the like. She was a part time stay at home mom, working P/T doing something from home.I am sure you will want to know about my exwife, Betty?

If you care, she came in late (as usual) and she walked right by us never acknowledging Karen and I being there. She walked up from behind us and I give MM great poise as she never looked away or lost eye contact that something or someone was behind us. I only saw her from the side, but her hair is very short, graying, and she was dressed, as I said to Karen, rather "frompy"? Am I being small or neck-biting telling you my observations.We turned and walked down the hall and I looked at my watch and it was almost 20 minutes after 1:00.

Chris came from NYC, MM from Charlotte, and Betty from Mountain Brook and really no one else in the dining room I might possibly recognize or them recognizing me. Karen said we did our best, showed we cared enough to come, and I guess they had this pretty much rehearsed or at least a plan in case "his father" dared show up.

I told Karen tonight, I really wish I could be a fly on the wall at Betty's tonight, with Chris and Betty's conversation about us being there. It is to hear Betty's 'twist' on things that have shaped my son's life, his entire like, that really they are both the way they are? Karen ask me a pertinent question, I thought I would share it as my dear uncle Jack Guyton ask it of me long time ago. "Jeff, could Betty possibly be homosexual?" I told Karen (as I told Jack years ago), I never had any suspicion she might be until the last months and years before she left. It was then she seemed like someone else, someone I did not know, and when she did leave, I really did not know how destructive and vindicative she could be.

You live with your first wife 28 years and at one time, thought you had a marriage made in heaven. The same with Chris, he was loved and cherished and I thought I knew him and watched him grow up to be a kind and decent young man. But something and "someone" changed all that for me and I can only close that chapter and enjoy the whole new loving life I have now with Karen.

We did our best today to support Chris and maybe he'll look back and realize we did. I wish both he and Betty success and happiness, but I think burned twice now, I will be very reluctant to try this any time soon. May God Bless!!!Jeff