Where Do I Plug It In?

I am practicing plagerism when I tell something that happen to someone else, or is it my literatary license to do just that? I am looking in my wallet right now. Wow, it expires April 2005. I have got to remember to get that thing renewed or I will be writing without a license? What is the fine for doing that? On with my story, or her story...

My good friend who works for a home improvement store is a well spring of stories in her dealing with customer who are not just real sure about what they need. A very nice gentleman came in last week, dressed immaculately, and a wonderful command of the king's english.

Do you work in home improvements? Yes, was her reply and how can I help you? He said he wanted to equip his home with a external power supply so he would have heat and lights should the power go off for any extended time. She showed him some 6 or 7 units they had for sale but really needed to know some particulars about his home, size, equipment, etc. The home he said was 19,000 square feet, swimming pool, deck with extensive lighting, security system and on and on with digital movie theater and surround sound.

She then said he must have a large home and since it was a tri-level home that it would take two of the larger propane house power units to supply this home with adequate power should he lose power. They went on with other detail and he agreed to the purchase and installion of the two units she recommended. She assured him that their installer would advise him if he needed additional power if the need was greater than he indicated.

The sale was completed and my friend handed him the final paper work and a day and time the installer would arrive at his home. She said "now do you have any questions?"...He thought for a minute and at first said No. He spoke up and said "Oh, yes, one question? Will the installer show me which plug outside my home to plug this into to get it to start running?"

PS. She first thought he was kidding but he was not smiling! She then gently informed him that the power now came from the unit powered by propane that now supplies power to his home not the other way around. He just had a senior moment, I guess! She had a hard time telling this without chuckling out loud. One of our SS class did not get it, so he is not alone.

6th day of Bad Cold

I take Centrum multi vitamins religiously. I have had my flu shot. I use the sanitation dispenser in the supermaket to wipe the buggy handles. I have stayed away from doctors offices and large congrations of folks. But there was or is a cold germ out there with my name on it.

I imagine being on top of the ferris wheel and it is Dirty Harry aiming that 44 magnum at me. Blam! The strongest, 'bad-est' handgun in the world. Bingo, that cold germ got me just like Dirty Harry shot the villain off the ferris wheel. You cannot escape Dirty Harry.

Rest, a broad spectrum antibiotic, cold medicine, lots of fluids and still feel like I have been run over. Did anyone get that license plate? Loving wife had fed me hot soup, lots of juice and whole clementines. The cold should run like a deer with it's eyes caught in headlights. But not this bugger!

I have to work today if I want a payday next week. It is 21 degrees and ice on the wind shield of the car. Where is my car coat? Crap, I can see it hanging in the back window of the car! And it will be cold as you know what. I have to go get it and let it warm up in the house before I can put it on. And Karen made me a matching scarf to wear with it.

OK, it is 7:00am and time to get the coat, shave, shower and get dressed. My little sweet heart is off today, a hold over vacation day from 2004. She is sleeping in this am so I am tippy toeing around so as not to wake her. Oh, I have already waked her once, forgot she was off and had her coffee for her. Yes, only then, only then, was I reminded she was off.

I will post again to AD if I survive the day....sniff, sneeze, wipe, snurf. Love that cold!

9mm Glock in the Lady's Room

My friend works part-time at a home improvement chain here in greater Birmingham. She had to work Saturday night and was a 'floater' of sorts, to help pm customers find something. She said Sunday after Sunday School that she had a hair raising happening that she was still recovering from.

She was busy helping someone when two little boys came up to her in the store looking for the bathrooms. She directed these two little fellows, she said, maybe 6 and 8 and in her mind, a little young to be sent to the bathroom without parents. That said, she watched them go down to the hall to the restrooms and both went in the 'lady's' restroom.

She said her first thoughts were they usually shop with their mother and were accustomed to going into the lady's restroom. She soon followed them and stood at the door but wished now she had gone in with them. They shortly came out and heading back toward where their parents were shopping. They did not look alarmed or scared and she headed back toward the center of the store and assisting another customer.

She soon looked over the shoulder of the customer and there were the two parents and the two boys heading back her way. She saw the parents were upset and talking loudly trying to get someone's attention. She (and Greg) went to assist them immediatedly and were told by the father that the boys had seen a 'gun' on a commode top when they were in the bathroom.

The two adults, my friend, and Greg went into the ladie's restroom and there in the center stall was a 9mm Glock semi-automatic pistol on the tanktop. They did not touch the weapon but all walked out with the parents raising a big fuss about 'what if' the boys had picked up the gun and you can guess what else.

The management made the right decision and called the Birmingham Police Department to report this problem. They told the parents to just hold their comments and concern until the police got there and that way it would on record and only have to be told one time.

The police said they would be there within 5 mintues and the instructions were to not touch anything but secure the restroom. But not 2 minutes after calling the police, the front door opens and a blond woman carrying a large black bag approached and tried to enter the lady's room. They did not have to tell her why they had the room secured as she wanted to go in and get her 'gun' she left. They told her to wait until the police got there! No way, she tried to push her way past Greg but with little affect. My friend said Greg played college football and is 6'3" and about 240 lbs. The woman is livid, again pushing at Greg to go and get her gun and now flashing the 'gun permit' she has to carry said gun.

The woman is now really, really mad and when Greg tells her a third or fourth time she cannot go and get her gun, she now chooses to 'slap' Greg and connects with a glancing blow. They now are trying to subdue this woman as she is now a threat to all those now around the bathroom hallway.

The police finally get there and see what is going on and immediately secure her from hurting anyone else. She is now yelling that employee hurt her and 'you can get your lawyers ready as I am suing'. The parents and children are unhappy with this as they feel the store is responsible in someway for this happening.

How this all comes out in the wash is your guess. The police took statements from everyone and also some witnesses that were not involved in this direct action. They take the 'gun' lady downtown and is last seen in the back seat of a squad car. The store has told their employees to say as little or nothing if possible when things like this occur as you never know how it may be intrepreted.

My friend was shaking in the SS hallway after telling this Sunday and understandably so. There could have been a lot of different outcomes to this but the little boys were trained never to touch a gun by their parents and that saved the day. The store is going to do something nice for the family and the boys. It is unfortunate things like this happen but this time it had an outcome where no one was hurt...jeff

Sweet'N Low

I am the only one in this household that uses S/L. That being said, the box of bulk sweet'n low is now nearly empty. Yee gatz? What will I now put in my coffee or tea should, by chance, I run out?

I have pondered drinking my tea or coffee with just a little less than I normally use to make my dwindling supply last. Do I get up this morning and go to the store and by just 'one' box of Sweet'n Low? Am I hooked on Sweet'n Low? It does not say 'may be habit forming on the box!" But it is!

Another point to ponder is I look now at the whole box that is now empty? Did I eat the whole thing? Yee gatz! I did! The whole d*** box! And it is now empty! If anyone is going to get the big C from eating or ingesting Sweet'n Low, it will be me! Just one little tiny pink spoonful at a time and bingo, it is gone! And I don't even use a little pink spoonful, I use maybe 1/3 of that amount. But it is gone?

"Karen, I will be right back?"....Where the heck are my car keys. Ah yes, on the coffee table where I left them. Out the back door to my car and open the door. Ah, you are thinking ahead as he is going to the grocery store for 'just a box of Sweet'n Low? Wrong to do that!

I open the console in my Oldsmobile and there nestled deep in the dark confines of my car are little pink packets of Sweet'n Low? We have stopped for coffee on the road and whether it be Hardee's or Waffle House, they always give you more of the little pink packets than you need. This little treasure trove has saved my day.

Back in the house and Karen notes "Back so quick...?" Yes, I said showing her my found treasure. I neatly stack these in the window next to the coffee maker and at teh same time add Sweet'n Low to my grocery list. My coffee taste especially good this morning for some reason. "Casey, do you need a warm up?"..."Yes"...AND I have my FIX for the day...my Sweet'n Low...

Pink Can and the Beauty Shop

If you have never taken your wife or mother to the beauty shop and have to wait 2 to 3 hours, you have really missed a life experience. And...it will take more than one trip to learn the players, the actors, the story, and understand "beauty-shopese". I took mother several Wednesday's back and they were running behind, so I was glad I brought my book. The following is a narrative of one of the main characters I encountered that day!

They do have a special dialect that it takes practice to understand what they are saying. You hear one thing but it means something entirely different from what you think. I will have to do this in several chapters as I am still relatively low on the learning curve.

One of the first things you learn is everyone is either "hon" or "honey" or "sug" or "sugar" or some other "cute-sey" name. The puzzling part is these names are all interchangeable with each other. So when someone says "hon, are you dry chet", you have to look at the person whose talking and see who she is looking at.

You can learn about anything and everything at the beauty shop. You will have several conversations going and one is about church last sunday, and another is about how sick someone is, and that they have those same symptoms and they take the purple pill for it. Yes, and one lady was hurting SO BAD she could "hartly" make it to the beauty shop. She has now plugged up her heating pad to put on her stomach cause it hurt so. (I am sitting on the sofa, hiding my face with my book and muting my laugh as I try to read but am now nearly falling in the floor from laughter!)

If you think you are going to miss anything, don't worry. They repeat the same stories over several times just a with a little different slant. And if your hearing is bad, don't worry about that either. If they think they can't be heard by everyone there, they talk LOUDER to drown out the competitive conversation or the hum of the dryer. It is like a movie but with replay so you WILL get it ALL.

Chapter I: Pink Can
"Janet, you don't have MY "hare" spray? You're out?" The lady gets out of the chair, half of it still in rollers and goes to the telephone. "Darling (I think that is the husband), you know the PINK can on the back of the commode...you know my hare spray! Will you get it and I will meet you out front. I am leaving right now!"

The lady gets a plastic "thing-a-ma-bob" and puts it over her head, still has on the drape from the chair, and out the door she goes like "superman" with the drape flapping in her wake. The operator starts another lady, but 10 minutes, and boom, the door bangs open and in returns "superman" with the PINK can in hand.

Pink Can sits impatiently waiting for the poor operator to finish the lady she has now in her chair. While waiting, Pink Can is talking so loud you will not have to scape to put on a fresh coat of paint on the walls. I guess with the 3 or 4 "hare" dryers going, she is afraid someone is going to miss something she has to say.

I now know she shops at "Sav a Lot" in Alabaster and the Walmark. I know there is a new drug store opening in Midfield shortly and the old store has BIG BIG BIG discounts on everything, somethings as low as "25 cent". She also is going on vacation week after next to Florida. She said her daughter is about to have a nervous break down cause she don't know whose gonna take came of little "buddie" while his NANA is gone and mama has to work. Pink Can told her she would have to get someone as she had not been on a vacation in 14 years and she was going this time come "hell or high water".

I am sure there were other tidbits I overlooked. I am taking a legal pad next week with my book so I can make notes. I got to laughing so hard that Wednesday that I had to go outside, faking a coughing spell. Look for the next installment probably next Wednesday. If Pink Can is not there, I will try to use one of the other prime characters on the next installment. "OK, Mom, let's go to the beauty shop!"