Xanax Anyone

A long night in March

When was your last physical? Mine was last week, an annual one if get from my GP. I have not been feeling my best, fighting stuff that comes on as you get older. Much of the aches and pains I could write off to just that, but here goes with my story.

The physical went pretty much as usual except with some tests they do every 2 or 3 years just checking on past problems that bothered me. I left the doctors office with good news that my bad chlesterol was down from 221 to 186 with anything <200 is desired. My good chlesterol was up and triclysarides were great and my ratio was 4.6 with <5 desired. I was having a good day and good evening relating this good news to Karen.

The next afternoon I got home from having an annual chest xray at the hospital and I settled in the watch a movie. I heard the phone ring but was half asleep and did not discover it was my doctor who left a message on my answering machine. He said "this is Dr. P and call me at the office to discuss your blood test results"! Let me begin that if the nurse calls everything is OK. IF THE DCOTOR CALLS, things are NOT OK.

I immediately called his office but of course I got his answering service and his office was closed. That, I can tell you was a long night. I called his office the next morning and he returned my call about 4:00pm. So it was about 18 hours of true anxiety and several Xanax later. He said my PSA had changed, whereas in the past it was <1.0 and now was 2.6. Normal is anything 4 or less so it has changed but still (for me) is high and shows change for some reason.

He then went into numbers concerning liver functions and ran numbers past me that really did not mean anything, except...they too had changed and outside the norm for me. He wanted to recheck my blood and since I had a CTscan scheduled for the next day, I could come by his office before going to the hospital. Again another night of not much sleep.

That was Thursday and I went by his office, did the CTscan and was back home at 2:30 not having eaten since the night before. His nurse Joyce calls about 4:00pm and theye find a small mass in the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy. He now wants me back at the hospital Friday for an ultrasound of this little area to get an idea of what is going on. Again another sleepless night.

Friday I am back at the hospital now a 3rd time in 5 days, and down to the office where they mammograms and ultrasounds on women. It felt pretty peculiar sitting in the women's clinic and the ladies around me looking at me kinda funny! The only bight part of my day, was when the door opened and a pretty blond, about 25 or 30, cute, petite, and welcomed me into her lair.

Janice talked to me a little bit about what she was going to do and she gave me a sheet and 2 towels and told me to take off everything from the waist down. Everything? Yes, everything! I did as I was told and sat myself of the table waiting for her to return. If you have read this far, you are wondering where I go from here.

I am sitting on the table in my birthday suit except for a t-shirt. She said she wanted me to take 'it' and put it on my abdomen and place the 1st towel over it. It was cold downstairs and I could hardly find 'it' to do as she ask. She then tucked the other towel under the two friends I have and then tells me to just lie still. I know your imagination is going crazy right now as was mine.

Now she tells me the jelly may be little chilly but the 'instument' was warm. She has one hand on the computer keys and one hand moving my two around with the 'instrument' moving in a circular motion up and down my left one then the right one. I had set my watch when I came in and it was exactly 40 minutes. Under ordinary circumstances this was probably be a delightful experience and I must say, she added a new dimension to this very intimate test.

She finished up and said I did fine under the circumstances. Believe it or not, she and I talked and well, I don't have any secrets from Janice at UABWest. I would like to be a fly on the wall when she talks shop with her RN friends after I left. I bet she had never seen one that tiny before.......cool things do that to a man. Or at least this man.

Keep this boy in your prayers as I will get the results and what they plan to do Monday. As I have said in the past....News at 11:00. And I'll bet you will be listening! Jeff the knutt.