Christopher Lee Nutter

Wednesday March 21, 2007

Chris is my son living in NYC. He recently published a book called "MY Way OUT". This book chronociled his life from his earliest recall of coming out as a gay man.

I can remember from his early childhood that one of his greatest goals was to live in a city like NYC and write a book. He worked his way through college, got his degree, and headed toward the Big Apple. He was astranged from his dad feeling (I believe) that I did not support him financially like he believed I should have. Of course there is another side to the story that I will tell you, my reader, about what was going on during this critical time in his life.

His mom, my wife of 28 years, had just ask for a divorce and left behind huge debts and loans that someone had to pay. I truly believe she was suffering from depression in the worse way and spending money was her only way of relieving her pain? I have not had 'chronic depression' but suffered 'acute depression' brought on by a heart problem just before she left and I got a taste of the 'darkness and helplessness' she must have experienced.

But this is only my side of this story, so please read with the understand there are always two sides to every story. The part that Chris does not know but can know now some almost 15 years later is this.

You cannot run away from huge debts! Your options are really two fold and there is the responsible journey or one of destruction. I chose to be the responsible father, the caring father, the one that made a difference in both his and his mother's life that they know very little about.

This is a short story about what I did.

There were essentially 3 mortgages that totalled after all the penalities and huge interest accrued, over $50,000. How do you get creditors to keep from foreclosing on my home, filing suits against me (and her) for this huge indeptedness! What did I do?

I got an attorney, identified each of the creditors, told them each of my plan to pay them and got them to keep from filing suits against these debts. This meant each friday when I got paid, I journeyed to two offices and dropped an envelope through the door with $50.00 or $100.00 just to satisfy the officers that I was earnest in doing this.

Securing a loan to cover all these was a monumental effort. She left behind department stores, credit card companies, and 2 second mortages on our home, and bad marks against my (our) credit history that getting a bank to do this was a small miracle. Separating her 'debt' from my personal debt was a major undertaking. At first, the credit companies and bank said this was impossible. Even the bank officer working with me had gone through a divorce and knew the battle I was facing.

After many letters and phone calls, the creditors all agreed to not file suits after identifing each and making small but timely payments on each over months. Cash works. I borrowed $1,000.00 from my 80 year old mother to spread this around as best I could, if only paying interest on the depts, to create a path toward some semblance of solvency. Then as I paid off each one and I miraculously got each of them to write me a letter of my success, and to send a copy to each of the the 4 credit services. Then "Bessemer credit" was my salvation. You ask how?

I made trips to the office, taking time off from work, talking to people about what I as doing and asking this then credit service what to do? The first two people I talked to were unsympathetic and my plea fell on deft ears. I was sitting in the waiting room for an officer when a young lady came in and offered to help me She got my file and began telling my story and as I did I noticed tears in her eyes. Her husband had just ask for a divorce and she was going through the same pain, the same financial disaster I was facing. We ended up telling each other our stories and the many similarities was amazing. Each left, leaving behind a trash pile of debts and obligations, letting the chips fall where they may.

I wish I could remember this ladies name today, but now I can only tell mine and her story. She wrote letters, gave me phone numbers to call, contact persons at each credit service, and told me to tell each of them to call her if any questions. Now I had someone on my side keeping me up to date as to how I was progressing. I would get a copy of my credit report about every 10 days and each showed my progress in removing 'bad credit history' with each slowly changing my credit rating.

After about 3 months of writing letters, paying off debts one by one, my credit report began to show signs of just maybe I would qualify for a new 'roll over' loan on the big loans into one 'refinancing on my home'. How did I get my home going through a divorce, being a man, where generally the wife gets the home? She left and under 'the law' that is called 'abandonment'. I did not know this but this act on her part gave me the power to secure a first loan in my name only. I did have to get her to sign over her part on a warranty deed which she did reluctantly.

She did not want to do this telling me 'she did not like the deal'. I then offered on paper to exchange places and I would give her the home IF she would assume all the remaining debt and pay me for the indebtedness I had paid off in the last months. She hung up! Then after about 10 days of thinking about the deal, and her being out from under her 50/50 responsibility of the debts with both our names on them, she signed the warranty deed and I could then refinance my home in 'my name'.

The bank was amazed! The word the account manager said something like a 'miracle'! She said "Jeff, I think we can send the loan to underwriting and I think they will approve it". I was exhausted mentally and physically, losing about 15 lbs. over the 3 months, stress and worry taking it's toll. But now the wait for the answer from underwriting!

The bank was "First Alabama" and I can never thank them enough for believing in me. They saw 'me' not what they first saw on paper. Their belief in my genuine effort to do the right thing and work so hard was evident to them. What a wonderful life experience.

I was working at my desk in Tuscaloosa several days later and it was now friday afternoon. The officer told me she would call me as soon as she heard something but I was impatient. It was about 1:30pm, yes I remember the time, thinking the bank would close at 2:00pm. I called the office and ask for my officer. "Jeff, you must have been reading my mind. I was about to call you! Are you sitting down? You are a new home owner!"

It is OK to tell you I cried! I walked downstairs and talked to my president and ask him if I could take a small break away from the office. He knew what I was going through and he said take whatever time you need. He said "Is everything OK?". I chokingly told him, "It could not be better!"

I remember walking out the front of the office and out to my car then walking, walking, and walking. Tears fell down the front of my shirt and onto my tie but I did not care. I did not want to let my fellow workers see me so upset but happy but now unable to hold back the dammed up emotions that bubbled over the shell I had built over the months doing this. Now I can relax and go on with life.

I write this as it is now 15 years later and I have 4 more mortgage payments and my home is mine. $30,000 first mortgage plus the $50,000 indebtedness is now paid and in 4 months my disposable income will increase by approximately $750.00/month. It has been a hard long battle but I made it.

Chris did not know this. He thinks his mom paid off the debts. But that is OK. I still love him and one day he will find this letter and know some of the truth of what happen. This assumption of this debt should have given his mother so much money to help him through school with her not owing anyone except personal expenses. But the bottom line is, "I did not have any money to send him during school". His mother had all the money and what she did with it, I don't know. One day, a long time ago, she called me and thanked me and said when he finished school she would pay me back for all the backdebts I paid that she owed. It never happen.

July 2007, Jeff and Karen will burn a mortgage. You, my casual reader, is invited!/Jeff N.