Primary Caregiver

Ring! Ring! Your phone rings and you jump! It is 10:30pm and you are IT! It is the lifeline she has around her neck and she has pressed the alarm button and does not answer her phone! Your life, your rest, everything now gets put on hold as you try to discern what is happening and how to solve the problem. The alert is sent by satellite to somewhere in Mass, and they their job is to see that that the subcriber is OK!

I am the oldest son and 2 sons my mom has and I stepped into the breech over 3 years ago to take care of her when she came out of the hospital after getting over a bout with pneumonia. I is now some 3 1/2 years later and I am truly finding out what it means to be the primary care giver for someone.

Your life is totally on hold! Your life revolves around the hours and days it takes to take care of someone soon to be 90 years old. But she is my mom and I really don't know how to be any different from what I am. But do I think about driving into the sunset after empting my savings account of all the cash and going until the money runs out. You bet! I would not be normal if these thoughts did not flash across your mind on occassion.

Sometimes I would like to put me and my wife first. When I do, well, there is a an expression here something about a fan, but I don't use that kind of language. But my wife and I lost a son some months ago (my stepson) and I really, would really, like to put her first in my life for a time and I did when my stepson died recently. But when I took this week off to be with her family and take care of his final affairs, you would have thought everyone else's world was coming to an end.

Now it is some 5 months later and just as before, others find all the excuses in the world not to visit or take care of this beautiful lady. I really believe they (brothers, sisters, others) think she can take care of herself? Not in a heartbeat. I go each morning and fix breakfast, help her with her meds, stay until she dresses, pay her bills, fix her Rx for a week, clean house and bathrooms and sometimes cook. What scares me as no one else knows how to do this.

I do have pm paid caregivers who come at 2:30pm or so to relieve me so I can have some part of a normalcy to my life and time to recover and recreate so I can come back tomorrow. I have tried the 24/7 of taking care of her but found myself one day this side of a hospital stay...again the doctor pulled me out for a week and again it went into the proverbial handbasket.

Step up and be the primary caregiver! But don't be surprised if your friends (and relatives) stop calling as they are afraid you might, just might, ask them to do a shift or two with this lady. I am thankful my health is good and I can do this. A little, just a little help along the way would be nice. But they think a 30 minute visit on Sunday or during the week is caring for this lady....Try doing a 5 to 8 hour shift, just once, and find out what real work is all about.

This sounds like I am complaining but I am not....It is just a reality check of how people are when it comes to taking care of someone. Some of us have it and some don't. I thank God each day for strength for that day and that day alone....Each day is a Gift,,,sometimes called "the present!"